sleep

I can’t sleep, maybe it’s the coffee, or maybe I just programmed myself to think this way. It’s been this way for close to 3 months now, and don’t tell me I shouldn’t because it’s not healthy, don’t you think I know that by now? 

I stay awake, because things are in my control when they are- and when I’m asleep, they aren’t. I am scared, I am so scared, but I can’t have anyone help me. As long as I tell someone, they’re going to worry- or not, who am I kidding; but if they do, it’s my fault. I want to be alright, really I want to be okay, with everything. I want to be okay again, I want to look myself in the eye and tell myself I’m fine, and believe myself. Maybe not today. Maybe someday. But is it really coming? I doubt so.

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